**Why did the chicken cross the road?***
Mal: Because the other side of the road was the only place it could live life on its own terms, without being meddled with.
Zoë: Because that’s where the job was, Sir.
Wash: It followed a really hot girl chicken that could kill it with its pinky. Do chickens have pinkies? No? We’ll I don’t know then.
Jayne: The money was better over there. (mutters) Lousy seven percent...
Kaylee: To meet shiny new chickens and see the sights.
Simon: That’s where the Alliance was hiding its sister.
River: To get to the other side.
River: To remember it was a chicken
OR
I swallowed a chicken.
Niska: Reputation.
Inara: It just suddenly, for no apparent reason, decided to pick up and abandon the luxurious life it had on this side of the road. That’s not odd, is it?
Book: It was a pilgrimage. Wracked with guilt over the atrocities it had committed, the chicken decided to devote the remainder of its life to God in a desperate search for redemption. Just a guess.
Jubal: What did you say? Am I a road?
YoSafBrige: Because you were over there, sweetie.
The Operative: The chicken’s motivations are not my concern. Getting it across the road is.
Badger: Why would the chicken cross the road when he can get some other blighter to do it for him?
Niska: So by facing the emotional and physical pain of dodging traffic...we would finally meet the real chicken.
Mingo and Fanty: that's the road, he's the chicken.
Patience: That chicken ain't too bright. Keeps on crossing that road and I damn near own this moon
Saffron: You're asking yourself: if the chicken had the security codes, then why did it cross the road?
The Fruity Oaty Bar: To let it blow its mind.
Mr. Universe: Because everything goes somewhere, and the chicken goes everywhere.
Tracey (from "The Message"): Because it was trying to smuggle enhanced chicken gizzards.
GABRIEL TAM: I don't care why it crossed the road, but if it does it again I am NOT going after it.
Blue Glove (from Ariel): So... you spoke to the chicken?
Chicken: bock bock
*the chicken didn't make it*
Woman at desk of Alliance hospital: If the chicken doesn't make it, take it to the morgue.
Doctor in Alliance hospital: Look at this badge; what does it say? It says "Doctor". The chicken does what I tell it to do.
Monty: What do you mean that's not my chicken?
Tracey: When the chicken can't run it crawls, and when it can't crawl...when you can't do that... You find someone to carry your chicken across the road.
Alliance: Offical Statement "The Alliance denies any reports of said chicken crossing a road. Said chicken has never existed, and said road is not pedestrian safe"
Jayne: Don't make no sense.
Mal: It ain't about you, Jayne; it's about what it needs.
Dr. Mathias: It's madness.
Inara: Because it's a believer. It's intelligent, methodical, and devout in its belief that crossing the road is the right thing to do.
Teacher: because this side of the road could no longer sustain its numbers, they were so many.
Dobson: I don't care. You don't think I'll shoot a chicken?
Sherrif at Paredeso (Train Job): Don't much know why the chicken would want to cross to this side of the road.
Crow: You keep your chicken.
Ruby (Safe):
Elder Gommen (Our Mrs. Reynolds): The chicken is our gift to you.
Stitch: You lock me up in a hot box for four years and now you're handing me a chicken?
Rance Burgess: The chicken is mine!
LoveBot: (slowly waves as chicken crosses road)
The trubadur of Canton:
"Now, here is what seperates chickens
From commonfolk like you and I!
Chick stood up to that toad
He crossed over the road
To get to the other side!"
Young River: This whole conclusion is fallacious.
CROW: There is no chicken.
***Lightbulb Question***
How many Washs does it take to change a light bulb?
One but he dies three quarters of the way through so that you are genuinely afraid for the other characters when they change the bulb.
How many Jaynes does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to try to put it in and another to find a bigger hammer.
How many Books does it take to change a light bulb?
"You know, God said 'Let there be light' but I think true change has to come from within."
How many Kaylees does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to change the bulb and another to say "Shiny!"
How many Simons does it take to change a light bulb?
Three. One to clean the new bulb, another to change the bulb and a final one to worry about River having eaten the old bulb in the first place.
How many Inaras does it take to change a light bulb?
None, she's used to working in the dark.
How many Mals does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to change the bulb and another to tease Inara about it being red.
How many Rivers does it take to change a light bulb?
"I ate a bulb."
How many Zoes does it take to change a light bulb?
One.
How many Reavers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
They will burn it out, rape the socket, then screw the shiny friend to death and leave it hanging from the ceiling. And if it's very very lucky, in that order.
How many crewmembers does it take to change a lightbulb?
Two. Kaylee to identify the broken bulb and tell the other how to replace it... and Mal to sit around in the dark room till some passerby comes by with the new bulb.
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